Interesting life. February 15, 2008

I was reading one of my past posts about WV getting me in touch with my Hungarian “roots”, but the coolest part is when we visited Romania on a scouting trip I actually was in the same county that my family was from. Apparently, ownership of that part of Romania/Hungary has been back and forth and is currently in Romania. That was a very very fun and unique experience.

I am currently not understanding how God works (which is typical), starting to see a potential light at the end of the very dark tunnel and still not completely understanding what the tunnel was really all about anyway. Life can be so confusing and I think it’s funny that we think the hardest things are always God’s plan, and have a difficult time accepting God’s plan might be exactly what you’ve always wanted..that is such a sad perspective to have of our God.

layoffs September 29, 2007

today at work i was given a box full of my belongings that were collected while i was in a meeting room with however many other people being told we no longer had jobs. i was fine with being laid off, God already had other things in store for my life and we are working to get there (i even prayed to be laid off because of the severance), but when i was selected along with half of my team and walked down the hall and people tried to pretend they didn’t know why we were going to a separate room than the rest of the teams i felt horrible. I felt horrible when they wouldn’t allow us to go back to our desk or say by to our friends and we were escorted out. most of all i felt horrible when i watched my friends who were not prepared for this situation. i have never experienced anything like this. they eliminate our insurance as of Sunday, two whole days. they are giving us a months severance. it was so unnerving. i feel so bad for my friends who were in there with me. please pray for them. i watched them cry, be in shock, be angry and i couldn’t do a thing to help. i was prepared to lose my job but i wasn’t prepared to watch others i care about lose theirs.

Randomness June 13, 2007

God is sooo crazy! I can’t believe the number of people that are excited about us moving to West Virginia to work with Global Outreach… I would never have expected it. It’s so random who pops up and sees this as not just an opportunity for us, but a connection and an oppporutnity for them. That blows my mind. I never thought about God opening these doors for us to be the open doors for others to walk through. That may seem basic but I didn’t get it until it happened and at least 3 people have told me those exact-ish words…

The money thing is a little crazy as well. We need support but, we have confidence that God will provide through the right people. It’s weird to trust in the unknown in a new way like this. We take our income for granted A LOT–all of us do. I don’t think that will be the case for me and Kev again.

My parents have tried to explain my heritage to me in the past. The whole coal mining thing, coming from Hungary to do that, living in little coal mining towns and what they were like, being poor and I’ve NEVER “got it”. Walking through those towns, seeings the emptiness, seeing the people in the area and how they live–I get it.

It’s funny, not too long ago, we had no answers, no direction, no sense of purpose and no light at the end of the tunnel. Now we have a direction, a sense of purpose and a light (we just aren’t sure how long the tunnel is) and we still have a few questions but many of the big answers God has provided.

I’m very thankful. Thankful for God. Thankful for his protection, wisdom and timing (even though I still don’t get it) and thankful for our opportunities.

God has already blessed us, and we haven’t done anything yet.

uncertainty May 21, 2007

I know we are on the brink of something different. it scares me in a good way. i’m ready as i’m gonna get for the next step, but the change that comes with the next step is not something i’m looking forward to. It’s hard to understand how God’s best brings heartache. It’s worth it for me, for God, for the other people involved but it’s so hard to see in the moment. I tend to see the trees, not the forest and i love my trees they are beautiful blessings.

God has taken me step by step into something new and different and bigger and beyond what I ever imagined each time. Not that the things in the past or what comes to be past were bad or not up to par but each prepared me for the next step that brought greater challenges. i could never do what’s in the future without the experiences of the past.

we talked about 3 c’s that get in the way of God’s best and they were clarity, certainty and control. All things i’m praying for and all things i’m not getting yet. i guess we don’t ever really get those, we just think we do maybe for a bit and sometimes the clarity we need is for making a daily decision rather than making a life changing decision but it’s the smaller decisions that turn into a pattern and turn into life changing decisions.

i’m pretty torn, i’m ready to actually step rather than just stand with my foot in the air waiting to go, but then i’m also ready to do the things God has put in front of me here. They are never ending but maybe my role in those situations aren’t going to be what I expect. if God isn’t going to show me the actual steps i pray he guides my movement. i’m walking blind, but maybe that’s good, then i won’t trip over my own feet.

“no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Cor 2:9

sex February 27, 2007

This was the best weekend I’ve had in a long time. ANY time I get to talk to my girls about sex, it makes me happy. I don’t know why we shy away from the discussion so easily and whenever i become a parent i really don’t want to ignore the topic like most parents do. This is one of the most important discussions you can have with someone aside from their relationship with God. It as such a great impact on people spiritually and emotionally.

I loved making them yell embarrassing words. I loved the small groups, i loved the super duper small groups and i especially loved the one on one discussions. Several girls haven’t gone that far yet, but many have. It ’s really sad that our culture has turned sex into such a casual thing that girls don’t see it as a big deal. I’ve said that a million times in my life fully believing it and knowing it was very true, but this weekend I saw it again firsthand even more so than I have in the past. But, I am so thankful. I’m thankful for girls that want to start over. I’m thankful for an amazing God that gives us second chances, one that doesn’t burden us with guilt but gives us grace and hope. I pray that all the girls see themselves not as others see them (good or bad) or as they see themselves (usually bad) but ONLY how God sees them. If they could only see what He sees, they would see the value in who they are and not need to get that approval from someone else. They would understand the gravity of taking an act of love that the bible uses to describe the relationship between them and God and the sadness of reducing it to nothing more than a physical act of nothingness (or they think it is nothing) between them and some random guy. It also makes me sad that we never discuss the vast gray area between kissing and sex…so many girls push the limits and stay “technically” virgins when they have still connected themselves emotionally and physically way more than they should before marriage. This is another soap box.

I’m so very proud of the girls that made decisions this weekend. They all did, whether it was to vow to stay pure from this point on, or wait till they were ready to say with all honesty they were going to try their best to stay pure. Either way took courage.

in honor of my beautiful girls I leave you with the lullaby we sang them to sleep with on Saturday night (needless to say, they didn’t really sleep afterwards because of laughing)…to the tune of “Go to Sleep”

Don’t have sex
Don’t have sex
Don’t have sex before marriage
Keep your vagina in your pants
Keep his penis away
No we don’t masturbate or have lustful thoughts
Because we want to wait and stay sexually pure.

I love my girls.

belated post amendment and other stuff January 30, 2007

ok, so to clarify what i said when i talked about praying for others in other countries. I TOTALLY DO NOT THINK THIS REMOVES US FROM THE RESPONSIBILITY TO ACT and act in a practical way! I think there is a two fold purpose and as an action-oriented individual who responds to peoples needs–hands on, i neglect one of the “easiest” needs to address…prayer. I think we need to be balanced in our response to others.

So, i’ve had alot of random thoughts lately. i don’t really want to put them here, but i will say God moves in really wierd ways. You think he’s got you going in one direction and he changes it within 2 sec. it’s not always easy but it shows you He is in full control. maybe that’s my life long lesson to learn, i never seem to get it.

i am exceptionally thankful for cool people in my life. they are blessings.

2006 January 5, 2007

This has been a crazy year of change, closure, new beginnings, transitioning of friends…It kinda freaks me out. We went from full-time student ministry to our second UNBELIEVABLE mission trip to Brasil to moving to Brasil to be missionaries to we don’t know what we’re supposed to do to finishing our master’s and working “normal” jobs and volunteering in student ministry. I know a year is a long time, but it goes fast. And when i started looking back at the pictures i took over the last 12 months i realized how much territory we covered. Not only that, but life around me is changing, our student ministry is very different than the last couple of years and that’s not a bad or a good thing, just different. my relationships are different, same deal, not good or bad, just different, and new friends have come, more best friends have moved but fortunately my relationships have still continued and are amazing blessings. i have to say it’s all a little scary. i’m not all about change.

it’s weird to be at a place where you have no idea, other than the immediate future, what God has in store for you. I’m trying to remember if i’ve been here before. I’m sure i have, but i seriously can’t remember. as far as i remember, i’ve constantly gone from one plan to the next and i believe God was in each plan, now i just have ideas but nothing solid. That’s another thing, i like to have a plan.

i love serving people. it’s one of the many ways i see God at work and i feel close to him. sometimes though i think i get a little carried away and forget i’m serving God and just serve people. oh, here’s a random soap box…everybody is all about the dying AIDS people in Africa, poor people and projects, but my question to anyone (this includes myself, i slack here as well) who waves the starving people in Ethiopia or whatever flag–when is the last time we have prayed for any of these things? People take up money, wear t-shirts, wear bracelets, etc., but if God is truly our greatest resource and we really believe that then why don’t we spend any of our time praying or even briefly praying consistently for something that we are so willing to put all our thoughts and time into? In my opinion and from what i know of myself it is because when it really comes down to it, it’s about how WE feel, doing what WE want to do and serving people the way that is the rewarding for US. So REALLY it is really about us and not poor/hungry/AIDs/whatever people. Soap box done…in a nutshell, if Jesus is the hope of the world and has the capabilities to help and we believe it, we need to at least spent a portion of our time in prayer about it (and this is from an action-oriented, non-prayer warrior). So back to my point, this change in my life is a reminder that I am serving God and not people, although God calls us to serve people as a way to serve him. It’s a focus thing for me that i have to remember.

It’s scary to be feeling like a blank slate. I know my skills, but they aren’t being used the way i expected. I know the immediate plan but see no long range goal and i just have to trust God on that one. God’s reduced life down to me, Kev and Him. Ironically, that’s how it should be, i think in the midst of ministry i let other things rise up higher.

I am so blessed to have Kevin, the family, and the friends i have. I sooo treasure my memories and my experiences. I look back at what we wrote on the walls of our church as a commitment and prayer to God and those words all still apply even after a crazy whacked out 9ish months.

Thank you God for the people in my life. Thank you for a beautiful house to live in and enjoy. Thank you for a place to serve you by serving others. Thank you most of all for being the light that illuminates the dark pathes in my life, even if it’s just a flicker, it is still evidence of your presence and it is just enough to see the next step.

These are some of my special pictures from this past year. They remind me of the cool things God has done, the people he has blessed me with and the future he has for me.

ok, so i tried to make it 12, one for each month but i sooo can’t decide. i think that’s it…

people! January 2, 2007

i’m seriously thankful for so many people in my life…

? November 15, 2006

2 Timothy 2:10 “I am willing to endure anything if it will bring salvation and eternal glory in Christ Jesus to those God has chosen.”

Those are seriously bold words.  I think i’m willing, but I wonder if I really was so willing, would I complain so much when I’m hit with difficult things that I am confident are part of God’s plan.

1 Peter 4:12-13 “…don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you.  Instead be very glad–because the trials will make you partners with Christ in his suffering and afterward you will have the wonderful joy of sharing His glory when it is displayed to all the world.”

The sad thing is my “fiery trials” aren’t all that fiery the majority of the time.  Trusting God during change is hard, but i’m working on it.   I know the outcome is so worth the “inconvenience” in my life, which isn’t really even my life to begin with, but what God has given me.  AHHH control and self-centeredness, why can’t I get away from them…

Songs are attacking me lately… November 2, 2006

Remove Me (The Offering)

Remove me, and move me to the place you want me to be
Renew me and shine through me
Let your love be reflected completely
Remove me

Remove me Lord, remove myself
As a testimony to you
Remove me Father, remove my strength
As a testimony to you
Remove me Jesus, remove my peace
As a way of teaching me…

There’s a place on the highest mountain,
To which heights I cannot climb
Without your strength, without your peace
Without you, i’m living a lie

We sang this song at our Fellowship Service tonight. Well, that is most of it, then parts are repeated, but i don’t want to type that much. Anyway, it was appro.